Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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