:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
