well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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