Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
