Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
