I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Randomize
