i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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