i barfeds in our rink
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Help me help you realize you are a moron
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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