So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
