In the future we'll all be gay
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
