i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
