i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
