From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
