I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
