That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
