The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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