I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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