Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
