There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
