morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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