Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
