God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
