I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
