At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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