In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
