Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
