She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
