he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
