Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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