mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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