We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
