Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
