We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
