that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
