I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Verdict: uncircumcised.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
