I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
