i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
