dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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