Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I think I am morally bankrupt
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
