I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
