I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
