you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
