Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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