I just pynch a tree in the face
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
