Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
