and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
