Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
