i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
