got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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