Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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