I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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