So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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