he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
