I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
