I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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