Don't make out with my wife yet
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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