There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
