Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
