I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
