Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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