oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
